“clocks” by Leo Reynolds is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

As year end approaches, I often find myself looking back and pondering on how I got to where I am today. I do not do this with any particular goal in mind, nor do I allow regrets to encroach upon my thoughts, but I do enjoy wondering if my current state of affairs is an example of pleasant synchronicity or if there is some weight to the ideas on the law of attraction.

One thing I can state with absolute certainty is that I have rarely in my life been so mixed up in such a staggering array of affairs as I am right now. Juggling my various roles of husband, educator, caregiver, and doctoral candidate, along with daily tasks, chores, and occasional surprises, allows for little doubt that I am busy. As there is no trophy for such industry (at least not yet…), I sometimes wonder why I do some of these things. These moments of wonder do not always bring suitable answers, but they do remind me how much I love to just be in my mind and let it wander.

“Thinker thinks about how to take sun burst shot” by davidyuweb is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

The word wonder brings me back to another time I felt harried by life’s happenings. It was 2014 and I worked two part-time jobs while studying (creating) full time in an MFA in Creative Writing program. As I dabbled in poetry during the program, I wrote the poem found below. It does not represent who I am today, but it is a nice reminder of the space my mind was in at the time. I have come far. Who knows where my journey will take me next? As your year comes to an end, do you ever wonder about how often you let yourself wonder? Enjoy.

An Elegy to Wonder

by Jeffery L. Buckner

Moments were not always so fleeting.

I remember the days that took years,

The hours that could each claim

A title from the zodiac.

In measureless minutes I sat,

Pondering on some question that begged

An answer, never hearing the clicks of the third hand.

How far away are the stars? To where do the birds fly?

Why does music give me goosebumps?

Childlike wonderment: the unknown gift

Lost before its self-recognition. Where did it go?

Does it exist in the stamp of a time card?

Perhaps it’s trampled under the wheels of the lines

Of screaming cars on the 405. Maybe it hides from

The scurrying words of a rushed bedtime story. Time,

Not given its rightful attention, must flee, so it seems.

“First Monday of the Spring 2016 Semester” by CSUF Photos is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from…

Songwriter: Dan Wilson. Closing time lyrics © Wb music corp., Universal music corp.

As I recently finished my second-to-last semester as a doctoral student and as I am about to finish another semester as an educator, I am thinking on the lyrics of Semisonic’s 90’s hit “Closing Time”. The song gained popularity when I was a junior in high school. I have a particular memory of hearing a friend of mine sing it as we relished in the excitement of a high-school journalism conference held in Colorado Springs the summer before our senior year. We were about to embark on what we considered to be a closing of our educational experience. Although we had plans to continue our education, senior year felt like an end.

Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end…

Songwriter: Dan Wilson. Closing time lyrics © Wb music corp., Universal music corp.

I often ponder on my decision to work in education. The cyclical nature of my job is something I both appreciate and dread. In some ways, it is a pleasure to see students grow in my classroom before they move on to other adventures. On the other side of that coin is the goodbye I utter to my pupils, knowing that it will likely be the last time we interact. I suppose that is a beautiful thing in its way, but I am too often emotionally blindsided by the constant ebb and flow of people with whom I have the pleasure of sharing in the educational experience.

“SKY for New Year’s card” by skyseeker is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

As the holiday season plays on and the new year dawns, I look forward to the opportunity to reflect on how much I have changed this year and set goals for the new. I am glad I can continue to write, to read, and meet people who can share something unique with me. I’m grateful for ends, beginnings, relationships, challenges, solutions and, whatever they may be, the places I will be from.

Until the next time,

Jeffery L. Buckner-Rodas – The SwashBuckner